Why We Shoul Wait Until Tomorrow to Start Our Diets...

...or maybe even one day next week. Even if we are talking hotness, nobody wants to deal with being unimaginable or unmanageable.


[10:51] apicklemonster: seriously htough
[10:51] apicklemonster: ifi lost 20 pounds
[10:51] apicklemonster: my hotness would be unimaginable
[10:51] apicklemonster: lol
[10:51] apicklemonster: its like i need to be 20 pounds heavier so
[10:51] apicklemonster: you know
[10:51] apicklemonster: people can handle me

Thanks Jasleen, I officially do not feel guilty for whatever I decide to eat for lunch.

Most Amusing Defeat of 2009

So, the Lakers might have let the championship slip through their hands last year but at least they didn't lose to the reigning worst team in the NBA (the Clippers, or CLITTERS as Andrew likes to refer to them as) last night!

They lost last night 91 to 93...Damn, I hope I am not jinxing the Lakers. Even more embarrassing, and (I almost hesitate to say) funny, Celtics guard Gabe Pruitt was arrested last night in Hollywood for a DUI after wards.

The fact I did not go to the Boston bar Sonny Mclean's last night is comforting because I would have been the only person in that craphole cheering and oozing giddiness had I witnessed the Clippers win among disheartened Celtics fans.

Detoxing

It's Monday morning, after a weekend of any combination of excessive alcohol consumption, minimal exercise and ridiculous amounts of unhealthy food. You don't feel pretty and the top button on your pants is telling you it's not your imagination.

Solution? 'Detox'!

I know you've probably heard the word 'detox' thrown around a lot, especially if you live in Los Angeles, and you most likely are not completely sure what it means used in the everyday vocabulary of us 20 something women. This is not an accident.

What most of us mean by 'detox' is simple: proceeding to starve oneself for as long as possible. This is normally only a day or two, but the beauty of 'detox' is the fact that this process does not have a conclusive definition and we can present starving ourselves without the negative stimga of dieting/not eating and just maybe fool you into thinking we are doing something that is actually healthy.

The more you know.

Things I Am Thankful For: Not Having Octuplets

So, normally I wouldn't dignify the money/baby hungry Octuplet whore who is raising 14 kids off funds from the State again...but I just need to express how INSANELY grateful I am not to be her. In addition to being an idiot, having 14 young children and is now apparently receiving ridiculous amounts of death threats, well...just look at that picture again.

Okay, seriously done talking about her.

Harmonica Man

Aside from the abundance of self-discovery that Beverly Hills has given me during lunchtime, yesterday, I got something extra special. As Jasleen and I made our way back from Beverly Drive, we heard music. No, it's not Christmastime anymore so it was not holiday tunes buzzing from phantom speakers all over Beverly Hills. Turns out, it was the middle-aged man in a business suit several feet in front of us, all by himself, blowing ever so softly into a harmonica.

Why was he playing a harmonica while briskly walking in front of us on the streets of Beverly Hills? I have no idea, but who needs an explanation when life plops something so refreshing and amusing in your lap.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN AWESOME IDEA!

Hello Legislators and Governator of California!

Just wanted to say thanks for keeping our finances under control while the rest of the state and I were not paying attention to what you were doing. That is what we pay you for but you are just so damn good at it!

Also, good job on this whole conclusion to this budget deficit thing...I know you've probably heard some moans and groans about the fact that our country is in a recession and it might not be the most convenient time to raise gas taxes 12 cents a gallon, double vehicle registration costs, hike the sales tax up 1% and put a surcharge on our income taxes, but don't listen to these people! Most of the people potentially affected are probably already fucked and foreclosed on anyways -- and have most likely left the state.

Never mind that we are still boasting the number three worst schools in the country and number two in foreclosure rates right now after all this so called 'wasteful spending' - we are still elite Californians and have a super cool movie star governor who knows how to get shit done!

Things I Am Thankful For: The Absence of Chirping Crosswalks in My Neighborhood

Last night I attended night two of a failed attempt at a drop-in add at my new local community college - Los Angeles City College. It was a discouraging night and as I left the microbiology lab classroom I got denied access to and got to the sidewalk, a sigh of relief came over me. I was not irritated by the surpringlsy loud sound alternating chirping and cuckooing of the visually-impaired- friendly crosswalk signals because I was too overcome with appreciation that these godforsaken fake bird sounds are something I do not typically have to endure. It's good to be me.

Man Hating with Coworkers: Part One

Since I had to delete my Myspace profile on account of crazy stalkers, my life has been at risk of reduced fulfilment due to decreased accessibility to Andrew's famous Myspace Surveys. Luckily, I have my coworker's love life and our daily repititive conversations about it to amuse me.

Making fun of the men in her life (both the ones she likes -- to get back at them for being douchebags-- and the ones she doesn't like -- because they are stupid) might just deserve a "Things I Am Thankful For" blog posting someday.

For your viewing pleasure and perhaps education (if you are a very dense male), are portions of a pathetic love note from a guy whom she is not interested in, but who is interested in her despite the face he knows she's is interested in someone else.

"So at first i didn't really understand why you were so short with me and disconnect after i asked you out. I assumed it had something to do with that guy"

Plausible translation: I know you rejected me and like someone else but............

"...that night at the bar i know we were both drunk, but it seemed like we hit it off and I left really excited for a date and to spend more time with you"

Plausible translation: I am still desperately clinging to my alcohol induced poor-judgment assessment that you would ACTUALLY be mildly interested in me anyways, even if you were probably just being a tipsy flirt and I clearly get excited about any cute, sort of drunk girl at a bar who does as much as glance my direction..."

"I understand if things between you and that guy are complicated, i know you really liked him."

Plausible translation: Not even necessary...dude clearly demonstrates that he KNOWS she is into someone else

"I guess all i wanted to say is I think your awesome and if you ever did want to come over for dinner and drinks i would still love that."

Plausible translation: I guess I just wanted to make it abundantly clear that I know you don't like me but I am still throwing myself at you...in case you had any doubt whatsoever.


HAHA. I love you guys. To be continued with Part Two sometime in the future: highlights from our makings fun of guys she actually likes (who are still equally retarded, don't worry.)

Things I Am Thankful For: Having No Desire to Smoke Cigarettes

In my attempt to harness more positivity into my life and write more uplifting, less whiney blog posts, I present to you the first installment of my new series: Things I Am Thankful For.

Thing I am Thankful For Number One: Having No Desire to Smoke

This weekend, during my weekly trek down La Cienega to Loehmanns (aka my crack equivalent) I saw what felt like a disproportionate amount of my fellow Los Angeles area pedestrians puffing away on cigarettes. Yes, I am the obnoxious whiner who makes exaggerated coughing noises when I am around smokers but seriously...I don't get it. I can sort of understand older people who have developed a habit over the years but I cannot fathom why anyone in my generation would make the decision to smoke --because even if it is addictive, at one point they made the choice to start.

Now, I will just say, there has been a few times in my life where I considered buying cigarettes. But JESUS, my logic at the time was directed at either (a) Speeding up my inevitable death or (b) Assuring that I appeared to others as disgusted and pathetically out of control as I felt, and I never actually went through with it.

Ummm Hello? Didn't you have to graduate DARE classes in fifth grade? And I know you can't tune out the warnings about dying an early death and that horrifying lady with the hole in her throat. Not only is it expensive and smells vile but subjecting oneself to addiction I just find particularly pathetic "OMG I HAVE TO SMOKE RIGHT NOW!". Ew..

Anyways, so excited I have no desire to smoke, because after all that, apparently some people do. Yep, I will limit my addictions to Loehmanns and black coffee thanks very much.

Stupid People Having Babies

Last week I heard about the birth of octuplets to a Southern California mother who wished to remain anonymous...right away I thought something sounded strange - that many fetuses just do not seem natural for humans. I don't think our baby-bearing bodies were intended to endure the birth of full on litters of infants. Still, I could have not imagined that this SHITuation could have been any more insane than it actually is.

So, some 33 year-old single now unemployed mom who got $165,000 in disability from the State of California for a back injury suffered while working at a State mental facility decides to pop out six children in six years...all of which ended up being concieved via in vitro fertilization.

Then apparently, despite the fact the bitch already six kids AND despite the fact medical guidelines suggest the implanation of no more than two embryos, the fertility clinic implants not two but SIX more, resulting in octuplets. Let's not even go into the fact the reason this woman wanted so many children was because, she says her childhood was dysfunctional...yeah, good reason to force 14 children under the age 7 into the world that a single mom is clearly not capable of caring for on her own.

Such a sad, selfish disgrace to the miracle of life.


Alright, I promise my next entry will be more light-hearted and less bitchy...although I think I am going to just embrace this is going to be a rant blog.

"Viral Narcissism"...Really??

I first got tagged in the widespread Facebook note "25 Things" a week and half ago. It only took a few days and a few more tags before I decided to cave in to what seemed a little juvenile and post my own. Juvenile-maybe, A huge waste of time-obviously but according to the arrogant asshole at Time who wrote this article, this innocent note was a part of a larger "viral narcissim" sweeping the Facebook community.

Okay....I am not quite sure what exactly is so offensive here. I have read many of my friends' "25 Things" notes and I find them at least a little entertaining, often endearing and perhaps even interesting. I mean, wasting time and revealing far too much about oneself are, in my opinion, the guiding principals of not only Myspace and Facebook (and other social networking sites) but most of the internet as I know it.

Ms. Too-Cool-For-School Time Magazine isn't too awesome for a Facebook so how is it that she is so above "25 Things?" Hmm? I am completely unconvinced she is in fact cooler than me and not apologetic if she finds me narcissistic for maintaining a Facebook account and posting whatever damn notes I feel like posting, even if they are silly chain messages.

Plus, she totally talked shit on Twitter.

Lunch Time in Beverly Hills: Based On a True Story

This blog entry is a public reply to Jasleen's highly fictionalized interpretation of our lunchtime walks on the streets of Beverly Hills, which can be found here.


Working in Beverly Hills SUCKS for my ego. During my interview, I must admit, I was impressed with Beverly Hills as a newbie Angeleno and virtual BH virgin..."HEY the Zip Code is 90210! Like the show!! Cool!" "DAMN! A BENTLEY!". The novelty quickly wore off.

More recently, my lunch breaks have become a sad, sad reminder about how I am not rich or married to a rich guy, am not a size zero, cannot afford to get my hair cut by Terence at Christophe Salon on a regular basis, do not have the financial capacity to afford a $1000 plus outfit and/or a Gucci bag (even if they are hideous) AND I drive a 1992 Honda with a horrible paint and no radio. Plus, I totally saw a douchebag pedestrian get hit by a Toyota Prius in the street because he was trying to hit on an ugly blonde girl in a Porsche which was traumatizing and not cool at all.

The fact that, by Beverly Hills standards, I am poor, fat and ugly is not what makes Armani, Kitson, and the vast majority of Rodeo Drive undesirable for me. The expressed unimpressed disinterest Jasleen speaks of in her blog (just for the record) : completely geunine. I don't have to pretend, that shit is fucking uuuugly! Betsey Johnson and Beverly Feldman are still sort of expensive, put anything by those ladies in front of me and I will follow orders like a Pavlovian dog. Not good enough for Beverly Hills elitists though. No, the majority of the stores on Rodeo Drive and I am convinced most rich people have horrible taste.

So, I don't need you to think I am cute, skinny or good enough, Beverly Hills. I am adorable in the suburbs and I think your outfit sucks.


PS - I don't just stand in the store and giggle at Jasleen being obnoxious. Okay. Maybe I do.

Shooting E-mails

Perhaps not all are not as easily amused or completely obsessed with Andrew as I am...











January 5, 2009

[13:47] ImHalfAsian: do people in your office say they will 'shoot' emails to so and so?
[13:50] BrittyBoo85: lmao
[13:50] BrittyBoo85: no
[13:50] BrittyBoo85: does that verbage both you?
[13:51] ImHalfAsian: lol no but it just sounds funny
[13:51] ImHalfAsian: 'yeah i'll shoot you an email'
[13:52] BrittyBoo85: lmao
[13:54] ImHalfAsian: i just imagined email shooting would something you heard a lot in your office

January 7, 2009:

[10:59] ImHalfAsian: yeah that was gaaaaaaaay
[10:59] ImHalfAsian: they were diong good but kept shooting 2 many 3s
[10:59] ImHalfAsian: now all the fans will be shooting them hate mail

January 22, 2009

[14:20] ImHalfAsian: i am going to email you a survey
[14:20] ImHalfAsian: i am going to SHOOT you an email


February 2, 2009

[14:24] imhalfasian: Cheryl L Dahlin - LillyCollab [2:25 PM]:
if you find one of these 36 that actually did ship...shoot me over the name and ticket number..k?

[14:24] BrittyBoo85: LMAO
[14:24] BrittyBoo85: SHOOT IT ON OVER!
[14:27] imhalfasian: SHOOOOOOOOOT
[14:28] imhalfasian: i hope i find some
[14:28] imhalfasian: so i can IM her
[14:28] imhalfasian: and say "i just shot you an e-mail"