1. After pushing the call button and fidgeting while waiting for the red light, stare eagerly at the double doors about to open. Position yourself directly in front and center of the double doors to ensure IF someone is exiting, an awkward three-step avoidance dance will ensue.
2. If the doors open to a elevator with additional people continuing on with you - it is customary to portray your heart sinking to your feet. Feel free to let out an audible sigh each time a button is pressed before your stop.
3. If the elevators are empty, quickly dart inside, pretending not to notice the other woman six feet away, obviously heading towards the elevator. 'Close Doors' button is your friend.
4. The best opportunity for en-route awkward conversation is an instance in which you and one other stranger are trapped inside a moving metal box together. This conversation should begin with with a comment about the weather. Keep the comment to (not greater than) one sentence. It is okay to look at the other rider(s) at this time. However, at all other times during this trip you must keep your eyes fixated at your feet or the mirrors on the walls.
5. Next, about halfway to the first stop, comment on the speed of the elevator, followed by a chuckle or other noise indicating you amuse yourself. Good examples include "Any day now - har har har." or "Moving quickly today! hehehehehe".
6. Especially when paired or left with one stranger, an exit phrase is required when you or the stranger, whomever's stop is first, finally arrive at their floor. This phrase MUST be spoken after you have exited the elevator and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to be facing the other person or looking in their eyes. Try to say something like "Well, have a nice day," as insincerely as possible, while the double doors close again.
