Please Give Me More Reason to Not Like Baseball!

At risk of yet again presenting myself as unAmerican I just need to say: BASEBALL SUCKS.


I'm sorry Dad and my boring friends who can tolerate hours of guys in tight white pants (many of which far too old and fat to pull them off, mind you), tobacco chewing and the unexcitement involved in an only average 9 points per three hour game. The only two positive things to come from baseball, as a matter of fact, are (1) the inspiration behind Kenny Powers in HBO's Eastbown and Down and (2) Big League Chew bubble gum. (Dodger Dogs might have been included in this list if I were not a vegetarian.)

Before the start of the baseball season Los Angeles would not shut up about Manny Ramirez and his greedy money-grubbing demands to play this retarded game for the Dodgers. Remember people? It was like trying to escape Swine Flu Discussion last week. Anyways, as much as I do not care or want to know about Manny and the Dodgers, I know he wanted more but had to settle for a measly $45 million/2 year contract. Even with those rockstar, super cool braids.

Then what does he do? Injects his ass with some banned hormone and gets himself suspended for a majority of the season. I do not know why anyone who gets paid $45 million to simply play a game and NOT do drugs/take steroids/inject female pregnancy hormoes would risk fucking that up after the Roger Clemens thing went down. But this actually happened. I think this helps my case as I attempt to convince some wavering Mannyless Dodgers fans this Spring that baseball sucks