-You must rank women's attractiveness by numbers, 1-10, 10 being the 'hottest.' I know you may have thought you couldn't do this after 10th grade - but you were wrong. If you are intoxicated in a public place on a Saturday night (bar, etc.) it's a good idea to verbally (loudly) exchange the numbers of each passing female with your boys. Don't even think about being discrete.
- Single does not in any way, shape or form mean not dating/fucking/whatever your preferred nomenclature is. You absolutely must be sexually linked or in the immediate pursuit of a sexual link with at least 3 women to be sufficiently 'single'. Any less and I guess you are just 'lonely.' Single is a power word! This or may not involve the non-verbalization of your intent to withhold commitment, possibly lying about your intent to withhold commitment and DEFINITELY the use of the phrase "it's not you, it's me..."
- Find the sluttiest girl in the room wherever you go and hit on her obnoxiously. This will substantiate your position as most douchey/most single guy in the room and probably scare away any of the relationshipy girls in observable proximity.
- Hit on women walking around while you are driving. Especially if there is more than one of you in the car. I am not very responsive to this, but it must work, or so many of you wouldn't do it.
-Write blog entries about your sex life. Or make a sex tape...actually, maybe only do the sex tape if you are a celeb. Even you wannabe LA singles who haven't actually gotten laid since your second year of college should totally do the blog thing though. It makes you look both desirable and artistic.
-Shop at Kitson on Melrose.
-Eat at Urth Cafe while you are at it. On the patio!
-Drive a BMW 3 Series or Mercedes C Series. Smart girls will know those are the low-end of luxury and think you should have gone with an Acura or Toyota, but the dumb girls will be impressed. I don't have to tell you, the less intelligent the better.
-Wear at least one of these items at all times: True Religion jeans, a scarf (even during summer), Ed Hardy t-shirt, a blingy watch, a shirt with a low v-neck.
These are only a few suggestions, but I hope they reveal the mindset, helpful behaviors, and basic material items necessary to make you the most douchey single guy ever. Best of luck to you!
- Find the sluttiest girl in the room wherever you go and hit on her obnoxiously. This will substantiate your position as most douchey/most single guy in the room and probably scare away any of the relationshipy girls in observable proximity.
- Hit on women walking around while you are driving. Especially if there is more than one of you in the car. I am not very responsive to this, but it must work, or so many of you wouldn't do it.
-Write blog entries about your sex life. Or make a sex tape...actually, maybe only do the sex tape if you are a celeb. Even you wannabe LA singles who haven't actually gotten laid since your second year of college should totally do the blog thing though. It makes you look both desirable and artistic.
-Shop at Kitson on Melrose.
-Eat at Urth Cafe while you are at it. On the patio!
-Drive a BMW 3 Series or Mercedes C Series. Smart girls will know those are the low-end of luxury and think you should have gone with an Acura or Toyota, but the dumb girls will be impressed. I don't have to tell you, the less intelligent the better.
-Wear at least one of these items at all times: True Religion jeans, a scarf (even during summer), Ed Hardy t-shirt, a blingy watch, a shirt with a low v-neck.
These are only a few suggestions, but I hope they reveal the mindset, helpful behaviors, and basic material items necessary to make you the most douchey single guy ever. Best of luck to you!
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ReplyDeletethat picture is one of my most fav ever!!! i remember those days when i would go into a club and they would all look like that!
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